Well, now I am not a counselor or trained to help people so you understand I am just here to share my life experiences with you. Sometimes we go through life thinking everyone thinks and feels just like we do when in reality they don’t. No one thinks like you or feels like you. We all take in information/stuff and then we put it away in our hearts. Some things are good and some are not so good but whatever we have been through makes us then who we are today. Based on all that information, we make decisions that then affect us and those around us.
First my dad died and then just a few months later the plane crashed and killed my husband and son, I was so numb and would not let myself cry or go through the grief period. I thought I was so lonely and thought a husband, Kendall would be the answer. As all of you probably know, a person is not the answer. Anyway, I didn’t know that so we got married. We have been married 3 decades and I wouldn’t change the person (Kendall) but I would change the timing. That was not a wise decision. Decisions made either when you are emotional, mad, sad, happy, just any emotion that says you have to make that decision now are not the best.
I can only speak for women…but I know that I have made numerous decisions in the heat of the moment. Either I was mad or hurt or another emotion. I have heard it said harness your emotions and that is true but the main thing is you need to realize God made you like you are and He loves you. Emotions and all!!
One thing that I have learned the hard way is that I need to sit back and think about a situation and look at it from everyone’s perspective. Not that you can see through their eyes but at least try to see what they see. Just recently Kendall and I had a talk about a relationship that was in our past. He could see things that I didn’t see and I saw some things he didn’t see. But through us talking about it I was able to bring closure to it. Now understand, he and I see through different filters. In other words, he has not been where I have been. He has not been hurt or loved in the same way I have. He could only give his side. But at least now we understand each other and why we act toward this person the way we do. It does not mean I am right and Kendall is wrong or the other way around but it does mean I understand better what he is dealing with.
Someone said that when your emotions are wounded or injured you stop growing. So that brings me to being truthful or honest with yourself. You will notice I didn’t say truthful and honest with everyone around you. If you think you need to tell someone then maybe it would be good but for the most part you just need to keep it in your heart. Some of the things you might share most people would not understand or they might be really shocked or surprised. Some people after you try to tell them would not want to be your friend anymore. I’m just really being honest. Most of the time you could say there has been so many things happen leading up to this reality for you that they didn’t experience it would be impossible to catch them up with you. It’s just like making a decision to change jobs or move or any other major decision. You would need to share minute by minute the different levels / decisions you go through and need to make in order for that person to keep up with you. Your decision is made through going through all this process. There again they do not process through your filter, they have their own filter.
Being honest with yourself means you look at yourself and say this is who I am and I love me. Yes, you may be overweight, grey haired, wear glasses, but remember those are the outward / visible things that you are looking at. But, remember God looks at your heart. Who are you in your heart?
Do you want to run away? Do you want bad and ugly things to happen to people? Under your breath do you say mean or hateful things? Or are you praying for those that are being mean to you? Do you realize they have been through many things in their lives that have been hurtful and they are in their own way trying to just get through life?
A friend of mine said:
As you reflect on the events of your life, remember, the storms you have encountered have only made you stronger. You are wiser, you are more alive, and you are headed for victory. Your best days are right out in front of you! Always remember that with God on your side, ALL things are possible.